Welcome back to Legend Lunchbox. Last time, the crew's search for repair supplies led them into Timber Camp Number 12, where they found usable planks, a locked metal shed, one extremely opinionated spectral crab, and a bear who only wanted to be left alone to sleep. Now with the bear asleep, the shed full of strange fumes, and the doorway very much blocked, the crew has one simple problem. How do you politely relocate several hundred pounds of bear?
Guide (Chris):I mean, you could probably wrap it around, like, his torso since he is pretty much out. I mean
Squawk (Madeleine):That's what I'll do.
Guide (Chris):You all are gonna probably have to help because he's heavy.
Squawk (Madeleine):If there's some rope, we I we could wrap the rope around. I can attach the hook to that.
Guide (Chris):Okay. So you do that. And then you go back to the winch, there is kinda like a handle crank that you can, you know, start pulling on it.
Squawk (Madeleine):Okay.
Guide (Chris):And as you do that, you're like and it's it's clicking, clicking, clicking, clicking, and it's the bear does start to shift. Now it does it's definitely putting a lot of strain on the winch. And, like, it almost feels like it's gonna tip over, but you're able to at least get the bear far enough out of the door that you guys can get out.
Squawk (Madeleine):Whoo!
Guide (Chris):Relatively easily.
Squawk (Madeleine):You're welcome.
Rolo (Phil):Nice!
Squawk (Madeleine):I feel good after after being useless for twenty minutes.
Rolo (Phil):Oh, wait. Should we go back in for nails?
CAM (Tito):Well, we're still in there. So we're gathering up everything while she's doing that.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
Rolo (Phil):Oh, I came out, but now I go back in.
CAM (Tito):Oh.
Guide (Chris):Okay. Well, your eyes are burning and and stuff still. But you guys open the windows.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah. Open the windows.
Guide (Chris):Okay. Okay. So you open the windows, give it a few minutes, and it kinda airs out.
CAM (Tito):Luckily, the smell doesn't affect me.
Guide (Chris):That's true.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh, well, mister tough. Okay then. I guess I'm just a silly bird. Okay.
CAM (Tito):Well, I'm kind of inorganic.
Squawk (Madeleine):You and your fancy words.
Lysander (Jay):Is that like inflammable?
CAM (Tito):Yes. Exa... it's exactly like inflammable.
Squawk (Madeleine):Guys, it's hard.
Guide (Chris):So there are those four barrels on the back. And as you guys look, three of them look like it looks like it's the hardened like, three of them are hardened sap, and they're just, like, completely solid. There is the one that really smells, though. It's kinda, like, bulging, and it's giving off this bad smell. On the shelves, you do see there's some, like, metal containers full of some sort of liquid, like, looks almost like an oil.
Guide (Chris):And then there's some leather pouches hanging on the wall that have a bunch of, like, metal and wooden fasteners. And then there's a few decent tools. There's like hammers and couple of saws and wrenches and a couple of big pry bars.
CAM (Tito):Grab all the stuff.
Squawk (Madeleine):All the useful stuff.
Lysander (Jay):All the stuff.
CAM (Tito):Except except for this. Yeah. We don't want the smelly barrel.
Guide (Chris):The big bulging one? Okay.
Lysander (Jay):It's got bad fish in it.
Squawk (Madeleine):Bears. It's all bad.
Guide (Chris):K, so you guys drag everything outside. So where do you go next? You still got if you guys wanna look around the rest of the place or you wanna just get out of there, it's up to you. Probably been about fifteen minutes or so since you've put the bear to sleep.
Lysander (Jay):What's the next building closest to us, I guess?
Guide (Chris):So you do see there's a pile of scrap metal and wood and junk not too far, and then you see kinda like a some sort of big a-frame. And then there's, of course, the winch. And then there's, like, some planks in the center of the like, planks and logs in the center of the camp.
CAM (Tito):I think we're good on the planks and tools.
Lysander (Jay):Yeah.
Squawk (Madeleine):We are they better than our planks? We've already got some planks.
Guide (Chris):So you guys can go look. I I mean, there's kind of a bunch of, like, moss around them, and it's just kind of a lot of it's deteriorated and and falling apart. I mean, if you dig through, you might be able to find a couple of planks, but the stuff you guys found in the other building are way better.
Squawk (Madeleine):Okay. I vote no.
CAM (Tito):So there was another building or something. Right?
Guide (Chris):Yeah. So past the planks, there's another kind of wooden and, like, metal building. It looks like it's falling apart. And the door is actually you can see from here, the door is off, and it's laying on the ground.
CAM (Tito):I mean, we should probably look around for some information about the camp to see, you know, who was working here or where they are now. So we might need some help getting the ship back together.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah. Mhmm. I like information.
Guide (Chris):Alright. So you guys go over. It's kind of a medium sized building. It's mostly wood, has just barely seems to be holding itself together. The walls and the ceiling have a bunch of holes.
Guide (Chris):And like I said, the door is laying on the ground in front of it. From the doorway, you can see that this looked like it was a barracks. There's about a dozen old rotting bunk bed frames on each wall. And then there's a small heating stove that actually looks like it's fallen through the floor near the back wall. And then not too far from, like, where you could walk in, there's, like, a bunch of tables and chairs kind of scattered and tipped over.
Guide (Chris):But it does look like the wood does not look like it's in very good shape.
Lysander (Jay):Do we do we wanna keep the stove?
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah. I like heat.
Lysander (Jay):For the ship?
Squawk (Madeleine):I'm a tropical creature.
Guide (Chris):I mean, you guys did lose the stove from the ship.
Rolo (Phil):Can we carry all this?
Guide (Chris):I mean, you do have your floating...
CAM (Tito):Pallet thing.
Guide (Chris):Yeah. Your floating pallet thing. So, I mean, you probably...
Rolo (Phil):What is the standard load capacity of a floating pallet?
Guide (Chris):I mean, it is a lot.
CAM (Tito):These beams, these floating beams were holding up the entire ship.
Guide (Chris):Yeah. So I mean, it will...
Rolo (Phil):Well, there were more of them.
Guide (Chris):Yes.
CAM (Tito):Oh, yeah.
Guide (Chris):I mean, it will hold up a lot. The problem mainly is is just the surface area. The planks you recovered are probably about six to eight feet long and maybe a foot foot and a half wide. So, I mean, there's only so much space. You probably got, like, a four by eight-ish sled, we can say.
Squawk (Madeleine):We got room for a stove. I will carry this stove. I like it.
Lysander (Jay):It's like a big Jenga thing.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah, it's fun.
Lysander (Jay):Keep getting.
Guide (Chris):Yeah. Well, you do got the 16 planks. Don't forget, too.
CAM (Tito):Mhmm.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh, yeah.
Rolo (Phil):Well, I mean, those can just stack on top of the other planks. Right?
Guide (Chris):Yeah.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah, they're planks.
Rolo (Phil):All right. Well, I'm gonna start stacking the planks on the pallet.
Guide (Chris):Okay. Squawk, what are you gonna do?
Squawk (Madeleine):I will provide some work tunes to keep everyone's spirits up.
Guide (Chris):Nice. Okay.
Rolo (Phil):You don't wanna help? You wanna just play tunes? Listen. And then... and then also
Rolo (Phil):Grab that side, please.
Squawk (Madeleine):I will get the stove. I'm gonna try hauling the stove out of the I'm I'm really I'm a tropical creature. I'm really into this heat, so I wanna I wanna pull the stove out of the ground.
Guide (Chris):So when you go inside, like, the floor definitely creaks under your feet. Like, it doesn't feel super strong.
Squawk (Madeleine):So I fly.
Guide (Chris):You're not very heavy. So.
Squawk (Madeleine):I don't know if it's... Thank you! I fly over to the stove.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
Squawk (Madeleine):Very delicately.
Guide (Chris):You fly over and, I mean, the stove I mean, it's it's not a, like, cooking stove. It's more of, like, one of those potbelly heating type stoves. It's still pretty heavy, and it's, like, falling through the floor. And you can see, like from here, you can see, like, it's falling through, and there's, like, a crawl space of, like, two or three feet. It's just leaning crookedly in the hole.
Squawk (Madeleine):Well, this is very awkward. I guess I need some help with this stove. I mean, I'm pretty mighty for a bird, but this feels beyond my ah, I mean, I I can try. Okay. It didn't work.
Guide (Chris):Yeah. You tried it. It it's a little bit too heavy for you by yourself. Lysander, CAM, what are you guys doing?
Lysander (Jay):I'll give her a hand. I'll give Squawk a hand. I'm gonna help Squawk lift the stove.
Guide (Chris):Okay. So as you go in, it starts to the wood starts to creak even louder.
Lysander (Jay):So what are you saying?
Guide (Chris):I'm saying you're heavier than Squawk, and it doesn't feel super sturdy.
Lysander (Jay):Oh, boy. Okay, well.
Guide (Chris):CAM, what are you gonna do?
CAM (Tito):I'm looking around the building for anything that could be useful other than the stove.
Guide (Chris):So you're in the building as well?
CAM (Tito):I would assume so. Yeah.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
Guide (Chris):Alright. So you guys are in. And as you, like, are all kinda walking around, you feel the wood crumble under your feet and the floor suddenly gives away with, a big crash. You only drop a couple of feet into, like, a crawl space, but your relief is short lived as you now find yourself in the midst of a trio of squat, round bodied, squealing porcupines.
Lysander (Jay):Come on!
Guide (Chris):Blunt nose, their dark beady eyes focus on you as stiff quills and their thick coat of brown gray fur bristles up along their backs, shoulders, and tails. So the three of you have fallen into this. Now, Squawk, I'll let you go first. You could probably flap and, like, not really fall too far if you want.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yes. That's what I want.
Guide (Chris):Alright. So Squawk goes first and she just kinda starts flapping and doesn't really fall. Lysander, what do you do?
Lysander (Jay):I'm gonna try and jump up onto a sturdier part of the floor if I could.
Guide (Chris):Okay. Give me a D20.
Lysander (Jay):Nine.
Guide (Chris):Okay. So you so you basically you jump and you jump up on the sturdier part of the floor, and then that part of the floor collapses. You fall over and you take a a porcupine quill to your side.
Lysander (Jay):Oh!
Guide (Chris):You take one point of damage.
Lysander (Jay):Oh. That's gonna leave a mark.
Guide (Chris):CAM, what are you doing?
CAM (Tito):I guess I'm falling.
Guide (Chris):Yep.
CAM (Tito):So these porcupines are under us, or are they, like, near us and staring at us?
Guide (Chris):They were in the crawl space. And, basically, you guys fell into the midst of them.
Squawk (Madeleine):And they're not, like, aggressive. Right? They're just being porcupines.
Guide (Chris):They don't seem like it. Yeah. I mean but they're not happy when you fall into the middle of them.
CAM (Tito):I mean, they're probably startled at least. Right?
Guide (Chris):Yeah.
CAM (Tito):I I don't know. I guess I'm just gonna try to brace myself and break my fall or try to land somewhere that's not on a porcupine.
Guide (Chris):Okay. So give me a D20.
CAM (Tito):12.
Guide (Chris):Alright. So you're able to kinda brace yourself and fall and, like, even though you still fall in the the hole, you're able to grab onto the side and just shift to the side and you don't get stuck by any porcupine quills.
Guide (Chris):Rolo, you hear, like, this big giant crash and then this bunch of chittering and squawking and Lysander going Oww! from the the building.
Rolo (Phil):And I just go, ahhh... And I keep loading the planks because no one was helping me.
Squawk (Madeleine):I was getting a thing for us. Was trying.
Guide (Chris):Okay. So the porcupines basically are just in a panic, and they're attempting to get out of there. And two of them, like, shoot out the sides. One of them is, like, kinda trapped in a corner, and he's, like, frantically running all over the place. So, Squawk, what do you do?
Squawk (Madeleine):But they're still not aggressive. Am I right? They're just freaking out?
Guide (Chris):It seems like they are truly trying to just get out of there.
Squawk (Madeleine):I put on, like, my nicest best friend voice, and I try to tell him that he's chill, and I introduce myself very politely. And I, like, get down on his level so as not to appear intimidating with my muscular frame. Okay. Does he listen to me?
Guide (Chris):I mean, he's trapped in a corner, he has to.
Squawk (Madeleine):Right. I look so friendly. I'm right? I'm not intimidating. I Am putting him at ease.
CAM (Tito):With a spiked helmet and knives hanging out all over the place.
Squawk (Madeleine):I obviously took my helmet off. I'm trying to make a good impression. I like new friends. So...
Guide (Chris):Okay. Alright. So, I mean, he just is kinda trapped in the corner, you're just trying to soothe him. Lysander, what are you doing?
Squawk (Madeleine):I guess we should help him.
Lysander (Jay):I'm gonna just try and get up out of the..
Guide (Chris):Okay.
Lysander (Jay):Crawl space area.
Guide (Chris):So you're able to clamber up and out and get up on the planks. And then, CAM, what are you gonna do?
CAM (Tito):Well, I don't think we're in any imminent danger with these things. She looks like Squawk's got it kinda under control over there.
Squawk (Madeleine):Thank you.
CAM (Tito):So just gonna try to find a way up and out of there.
Guide (Chris):Okay. I mean, you're able to basically, like, pull yourself up and out.
CAM (Tito):Alright.
Guide (Chris):And so as you guys do that, the the porcupine kinda looks at you, Squawk for a couple of seconds, and then eyes dart around, then it shoots out of, a little hole.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh it was nice to meet you!
Guide (Chris):And, Rolo, you see, like, a porcupine come running your direction.
Rolo (Phil):Ahhh! What the heck?
Guide (Chris):And it kinda veers off and, like, scoots off to the side when it sees you.
Rolo (Phil):Okay. Well, I guess I'll just keep loading these planks.
Squawk (Madeleine):But now can we get the stove, please? Because now the...
Guide (Chris):So, yes, you can pull the stove out.
Squawk (Madeleine):Amazing with teamwork.
Guide (Chris):Lysander, you see there's also now that you've fallen down through the hole, you also see there's, a footlocker, like, a metal footlocker down there as well.
Lysander (Jay):Well, of course, I'm gonna go get the footlocker.
Guide (Chris):Okay. So you grab that and just kinda yank it.
CAM (Tito):Footlocker hidden under the floor?
Guide (Chris):Well, it had been, like, off to the side, and when it collapsed, it kinda fell into the floor.
Guide (Chris):Oh.
Rolo (Phil):I'm listening from the I I heard somebody say something about footlocker, and I'm wondering what a footlocker is.
Squawk (Madeleine):I also wonder. Yes.
Guide (Chris):Footlocker? It's just like a chest that goes at the edge of the or at the end of a bunk bed.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh.
Lysander (Jay):It's like a trunk or a chest.
Guide (Chris):Yeah.
Squawk (Madeleine):I've never heard that. How long ago? Okay. In my lagoon, we didn't have this.
Rolo (Phil):Is it for feet?
Guide (Chris):Yes. Well, you haven't opened it yet. Lysander, you pull the trunk out.
Lysander (Jay):I pull it out, put it on my shoulder.
Guide (Chris):You guys were able to get trunk and the stove out of the building.
Lysander (Jay):And I say, guys, look what I got. I plop this chest down on the ground.
Guide (Chris):Rolo, what are you doing?
Rolo (Phil):I'm wondering how I even knew about the footlocker, but I'm still loading planks. No one's called for help. No one's come out of the thing. There's a couple pine... porcupines ran out and some banging. So unless somebody comes to ask me for something, I'm gonna continue loading these planks.
Lysander (Jay):Is the footlocker locked?
Guide (Chris):It is, but it's pretty well deteriorated. Like, you think if you just give it a good whack, it'll it'll bust open.
Squawk (Madeleine):Give it a good whack.
Lysander (Jay):I'm gonna give it a good whack.
Guide (Chris):Okay. So you smack it open and you open it up and inside you find a really warm looking sweater.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh.
Guide (Chris):There's two vials of, like, this clear odorless liquid in, a little thing. And CAM, you recognize them. You think they're actually healing potions. You've seen those before.
Squawk (Madeleine):Mhmm.
Guide (Chris):There's a small oil skin notebook and it's stamped with, like, a faded Willowcraft crest on it. And on the outside of it, it says, Camp Number 12, Field Log, Timber and Kiln Tallies.
Lysander (Jay):I got this book.
Squawk (Madeleine):I mean, that doesn't sound super exciting. Kit- log tallies?
Lysander (Jay):I got this ugly sweater.
Squawk (Madeleine):Sweater's handy always. We can I could make a nest out of a sweater?
Lysander (Jay):Do you want it?
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh, yeah. Thank you so much!
Guide (Chris):It'll look great on you, Squawk. It'll it'll be nice and long. It'll go all the way down right below your knees. It'll keep you super warm.
Squawk (Madeleine):It's like a fancy gown. I'll save it. I will put it as I stuff it into my little backpack. Thank you so much.
Lysander (Jay):I I don't know what this book read says thing here.
Squawk (Madeleine):Log of something?
Lysander (Jay):Thing.
Guide (Chris):Yeah. So Lysander you can't read, can you?
Lysander (Jay):No. I can't.
Guide (Chris):So.
Squawk (Madeleine):I think...
Lysander (Jay):Can somebody read this?
Squawk (Madeleine):I think Rolo's the word guy. He's the, I'm a bird, so.
Lysander (Jay):I said that I I go to Rolo. I found a spell book.
Rolo (Phil):Woah. This is not a spell book.
Lysander (Jay):It looks like your book.
Rolo (Phil):Is it though that's because it's also a book.
Lysander (Jay):So?
Squawk (Madeleine):So fancy!
CAM (Tito):Aren't all books spell books?
Rolo (Phil):Well, you know, any advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Guide (Chris):So books are advanced technology to most of the crew?
Rolo (Phil):What... this is is a logbook about the logs. So, basically, they just kept track of where the logs are going and what was going on. I flipped through the pages. What do I learn flipping through that?
Guide (Chris):So there... some of the a lot of the pages are smudged and stained, but you do see a couple of readable pieces. So you see one that says, Camp Number 12 remains a support camp only. Primary cut is rough weepingwood tree timber, deadfall recovery, plank drying, and emergency stock. Planks must be shipped to Willowfoot Stands for final sky-set processing.
Rolo (Phil):Oh. Hey. This says that there's another place called Willowfoot Stands that might have more planks.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah.
CAM (Tito):Isn't that the town that Tobin told us about?
Lysander (Jay):The Standers?
Rolo (Phil):Yeah. The Standers. Willowfoot Stand.
CAM (Tito):That's a town that's up to the north that we saw from the top of the tree.
Rolo (Phil):That's right in the opposite direction from here. Hey. We could drop our stuff off at the ship.
Squawk (Madeleine):Amazing.
Lysander (Jay):Cool.
Squawk (Madeleine):Make sure and check on it. Make sure the squirrels haven't messed stuff up.
Lysander (Jay):Oh, squirrels.
CAM (Tito):And what what's our what's our time check before the bear wakes up?
Guide (Chris):So you guys have probably got about half an hour, I would think.
CAM (Tito):Mhmm.
Squawk (Madeleine):We could we could do lots in half an hour.
Guide (Chris):Now there's a couple other things, Rolo, as you're flipping through it. You do see one says kiln heart holding low but steady, continues to support drying of raw wood, but may need replacement soon. Keep the vents clear or overheating may cause a fire.
Squawk (Madeleine):Vents.
Lysander (Jay):Uh-oh.
Rolo (Phil):Oh, this thing has a kiln heart. That's like a power source.
Squawk (Madeleine):Is that the thing that we pulled out of the ground?
Rolo (Phil):No. That's the thing inside the oven thing that's keeping the oven thing warm.
CAM (Tito):Yeah. Where the bear was laying next to.
Squawk (Madeleine):Okay. But do we need that?
Rolo (Phil):Well, it's a good thing to use to power our ship.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh, yeah.
Rolo (Phil):At least heat it.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah. We...
CAM (Tito):But if we take that, is the bear gonna get mad?
Lysander (Jay):And how are we gonna take it? That's a big thing.
Squawk (Madeleine):You were the guy who was worried about our load here on our floaty thing.
Rolo (Phil):Oh, yeah. I'm putting, I guess, a burning thing...
CAM (Tito):Well, we're not taking the whole kiln. We're just taking the fuel source. Right?
Rolo (Phil):Yeah. I think they're about and then I try to make a size with my hands, but I move my hands back and forth, really, because I don't I don't know how big they are.
Lysander (Jay):Well, here's the one thing. We know where this is, so we can always come back.
CAM (Tito):Yeah.
Squawk (Madeleine):There's a bear here, though. We don't know. Can we I don't know how many times we can use that sleeping spell when we come back. If we can use it every time. Sure.
Lysander (Jay):Well, maybe we could we could bring the bear some of those Sap Squirrels.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yes!
Rolo (Phil):Wait. I got an idea. It's finally time to find out whether or not these long johns are inflammable or inflammable. Really, it's time to find out what inflammable means.
Squawk (Madeleine):Tell us how.
Lysander (Jay):Okay.
Rolo (Phil):I'm gonna...
CAM (Tito):You're try to wrap the kiln heart in it?
Rolo (Phil):Yeah. I'm gonna put it right inside the long johns.
Guide (Chris):Okay. Oh. Okay. So if you go back into that building, it's almost like a like a meter or yard wide box. It's just like a metal box.
Guide (Chris):And inside it, there's like a little door. And inside it, you do see there's like this big rock in there that's warm, but it's the rock itself is maybe the size of like a beach ball.
Rolo (Phil):Okay.
Guide (Chris):So but there are handles. I I mean, you'll have to get something to pick it up, but there are handles on the whole thing if you wanna try and take it, or you can just try and take the rock.
Rolo (Phil):No. I'm just gonna take the rock. I'm gonna use the long underwear, like oven mitts.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
Rolo (Phil):And I'm gonna put my hands on either side of it.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
Rolo (Phil):And I'm gonna pick it up and drop it inside sorta like the waistie part of, you know, another pair of long underwear.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
Rolo (Phil):And then tie up the legs and the top of the waist part so I can, like, carry it with the long handle, you know, and it sort of, like, hangs down like a basket of burning hotness.
Squawk (Madeleine):Sounds good.
Guide (Chris):You do that, and it does pick it up. But, I mean, it's definitely warm. And then as you're starting to walk out, you start to see, like, these black smoldering, like, rings starting to form on the outside of the long johns, and then it's starting to smell like you start to see a little bit of wisps of smoke.
Rolo (Phil):I start running.
Squawk (Madeleine):We were gonna barter with those!
Rolo (Phil):I run right past everyone, and I go, look out. Look out. And I dump it in the water barrel.
Guide (Chris):Oh, nice. So you basically run back there. And just as you do that, you dump it in. It's like the water barrel just turns completely to steam. All the water goes away.
Guide (Chris):And you look down inside, and there's just this the rock is just sitting down on the bottom of the barrel.
Rolo (Phil):How's the underwear doing?
Guide (Chris):The underwear, unfortunately, has a big hole in it.
Squawk (Madeleine):Aw. We were gonna barter with that.
Rolo (Phil):Well but it didn't it didn't light on fire, so that's something, I guess.
Guide (Chris):It didn't not light on fire, though.
CAM (Tito):So if we're gonna take this thing, then we need the container.
Rolo (Phil):Oh, yeah. Right. The container. Should we go back and get the container?
Lysander (Jay):But now the thing's not hot anymore.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah. Didn't the water cool it off?
CAM (Tito):It disintegrated all the water.
Guide (Chris):So, yeah, you go and look, and the rock does not appear to be hot anymore.
Squawk (Madeleine):Ah.
Rolo (Phil):What? That was it?
Guide (Chris):Yeah.
Rolo (Phil):It's supposed to stay hot forever.
Squawk (Madeleine):We killed it.
Lysander (Jay):Maybe if we put it in a fire, it'll relight it.
Squawk (Madeleine):Maybe the power of friendship can fuel it.
Lysander (Jay):Maybe it needs a hug.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah. I I will hug the burning, terrifying lava rock.
Lysander (Jay):It's not burning anymore.
Squawk (Madeleine):I know, but it could yes.
Guide (Chris):So you got about fifteen minutes before the bear wakes up.
Lysander (Jay):It's it could be your pet rock.
Squawk (Madeleine):I I may do it. I never had a pet!
Guide (Chris):Alright.
Squawk (Madeleine):Get the rock.
Guide (Chris):So you're able to pick it up? I mean, it's not really hot anymore. So it's just like, again, like, kind of a beach ball sized rock. I mean, it's a little heavy because it's a rock, but it does not feel too warm.
Squawk (Madeleine):I can handle it. I'm gonna hug this rock. I like this rock. Somebody said pet, and now I feel very close to this rock.
Guide (Chris):I mean, there still is a little bit of residual warmth inside of it. Like, you can still feel it. It almost feels like a hugging you back.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yes. It's it's just like my new friend. I feel so confident and relaxed. This is great. It's like I'm at the spa.
Guide (Chris):Alright. Anything else you guys wanna check out at the camp? Or?
CAM (Tito):I think, really, the last thing to go take a look at was the lean-to shelter.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
CAM (Tito):See if there's any supplies or anything there that we can snatch.
Squawk (Madeleine):Or snacks.
Guide (Chris):Snacks. So little more than, like, a metal panel roof held up on three sides by twisted poles and beams. The lean-to appears to be where food was prepared before. A long dead fire pit is flanked by a pair of old iron kettles hanging on swinging chains, and it takes up most of the center area. You do see an old iron stove flanked by prep tables covered with dirty cooking implements and utensils along the back of the shelter.
Guide (Chris):So this looks to be like an actual cooking stove as opposed to the one you guys was more of a heating stove.
Lysander (Jay):Which do we need?
Squawk (Madeleine):I don't know.
CAM (Tito):I would say probably the cooking stove.
Lysander (Jay):The cooking stove rather than the heating stove?
Squawk (Madeleine):We've also got this nice toasty rock now, so maybe we don't need the heating stove.
Lysander (Jay):Yeah.
Guide (Chris):It does appear the rock will probably fit in either. It'll be a little bit tighter in that heating stove. Like, it'll just barely fit through the door where the other one has a little bit more room.
Squawk (Madeleine):Cooking stove. Cooking stove. Yeah.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
CAM (Tito):And then is there any non perishable foods around or anything?
Guide (Chris):There does not appear to be. It seems like there may have been, and there's a whole bunch of bear prints and claw marks around here.
CAM (Tito):He beat us to it.
Squawk (Madeleine):That guy. Mhmm. Man, we dealt with porcupines to get that other heating stove. Oh, well. We don't need it.
CAM (Tito):Let's grab the stove and get out of here.
Guide (Chris):Alright. Anything else? So you guys gonna head on back?
Squawk (Madeleine):We're gonna head back.
Lysander (Jay):Head back.
Guide (Chris):Alright.
Rolo (Phil):Wait. I can't I can't head back. Hold on. I gotta do one thing. I run back in, and I untangle the bear from the winch.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh, that's nice.
Rolo (Phil):Because I don't want him to get caught up in it when he wakes up.
Guide (Chris):Yeah.
Rolo (Phil):Because I feel bad that I took his heating source, and then I just snuffed it out.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah. Oh, and while you're running back, I run back too because now that he's asleep, it's the perfect, perfect opportunity for a bear hug!
Guide (Chris):Oh, there you go.
Squawk (Madeleine):Gonna get right in there.
Guide (Chris):You can get the best bear hug you have ever had in your life.
Squawk (Madeleine):I mean, it's not reciprocal, but I'll take it. So I get right in there.
Guide (Chris):You kind of wrap your wings around him. And, I mean, you barely, like I I mean, you only get around, like, a quarter of them.
Squawk (Madeleine):That's alright.
Guide (Chris):With your arms your your wings outstretched.
Squawk (Madeleine):So furry.
Guide (Chris):Yeah.
Squawk (Madeleine):Okay. I'm happy now.
Guide (Chris):Alright. So the trip back towards the ship while long is relatively uneventful. The old road leading to the timber camp is easy to follow now that you know what to look for. The trail of destruction through the forest from your crash leads you directly back to the S.S. Distress, and you gather up a few more interesting bits and bobs from the ship along the way. Looking no worse for wear than you left, the Distress sits silently on the ground.
Guide (Chris):In front of the ship, you see a small sized pile of random bits and items from the ship that wasn't there when you left. Old silverware, buckles, bits of torn up sail, broken tools, and other odds and ends are piled up in a small heap It just happens to be surrounded by a bunch of small paw prints and some dried sap. You see a few furrows in the ground leading away from the pile into the woods where something a bit heavier seems like it might have been dragged.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh, what did they take?
CAM (Tito):Squirrel stole something again.
Lysander (Jay):Yep.
Squawk (Madeleine):I guess we should have left a lookout, maybe. Oh.
Rolo (Phil):Yeah we gotta fix that big hole in the ship, I guess.
Lysander (Jay):Yeah.
Guide (Chris):So the door is still locked.
Rolo (Phil):Well, that's good. They didn't get in this way, everyone.
Squawk (Madeleine):Should we check what they took?
Guide (Chris):You guys gotta look through the pile?
Squawk (Madeleine):I meant the big thing, the trail. I'm I'm only concerned about big stuff.
Guide (Chris):Oh, the big thing? You can follow it. And as you you guys follow one of the trails and you see as you're walking, it just gets right about to the edge and you see, like, a little sap squirrel pulling on, like, a little leather pouch of something.
Squawk (Madeleine):Hey!
Lysander (Jay):Hey, hey!
CAM (Tito):Snatch it.
Rolo (Phil):Drop it.
Squawk (Madeleine):I pull my knives out.
Rolo (Phil):Drop it.
Guide (Chris):He's kinda looking at you guys holding on to it.
Squawk (Madeleine):No. I get all the weapons. I can and I wave them around.
Guide (Chris):Okay. So he, like, he scoots and runs off.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah!
Rolo (Phil):Did he take the pouch?
Guide (Chris):No. He did not. He left the pouch.
Rolo (Phil):Oh, okay.
Squawk (Madeleine):Because of my weapons and my coolness. Okay. So I grabbed the pouch back triumphantly, feeling pretty tough.
Guide (Chris):So it looks like it's actually now that you grab it, it looks almost like it's an a little, like a book or something kind of wrapped in a leather pouch with, like, leather straps wrapped around it.
Squawk (Madeleine):Is it your diary, Rolo? Just...
Lysander (Jay):Does it does it look familiar to us?
Guide (Chris):It does not look familiar.
Squawk (Madeleine):Oh. Yeah.
CAM (Tito):Take a look at the book.
Guide (Chris):Okay.
Rolo (Phil):Oh, wait. CAM, you can read. Right?
CAM (Tito):Yeah. That's why I'm looking at the book.
Squawk (Madeleine):What?
CAM (Tito):Y'all never asked before.
Rolo (Phil):I thought it was just me.
CAM (Tito):I'm a doctor. Don't you think I need to read?
Squawk (Madeleine):Well...
Rolo (Phil):I don't know.
Squawk (Madeleine):You'd be hiding your...
Rolo (Phil):You could've learned on the job.
CAM (Tito):Feel feel bad for that person.
Rolo (Phil):Said a whole bunch of people.
Guide (Chris):So you open it up and you see on the cover, you see a cheerful little drawing of a ship with wings. And there's, like, a smiling sun and four stick figure people giving a thumbs up. And underneath it, it says Emergency Utility Field Guide.
Squawk (Madeleine):Only now? Only now we're discovering this? Mean, better late than never.
CAM (Tito):Alright. What what what else is in there? Is it I have, like, instructions on how to survive in the woods or something?
Guide (Chris):So you open it up, and on the first page, it says, So you have landed safely!
CAM (Tito):Well, we failed that.
Guide (Chris):And then you see, like, this big smiling face with a thumbs up.
CAM (Tito):Well, one one lesson failed. Next.
Guide (Chris):Congratulations on surviving your first landing. Whether this was an ordinary landing, a precautionary landing, a surprise landing, or a landing that nearby witnesses may incorrectly describe as a crash, you have already completed the most important step, arriving.
Guide (Chris):Assuming your ship is not a total loss, and since you are reading this manual, we assume it is not. The emergency supplies and instructions in this guide should keep you safe and sound until you can locate assistance. Please proceed to the next section, Emergency Lift Stabilization to get started on your return to the Azure.
Guide (Chris):And then in little tiny text on the bottom of the page, it's almost too small to say. It says, this manual does not replace training, common sense, professional refit service, or divine intervention.
Lysander (Jay):Is there a phone number in there?
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah.
Guide (Chris):There is not a phone number.
CAM (Tito):So we we got instructions on how to rebuild the ship at least.
Squawk (Madeleine):Everything will obviously be fine now. We're good.
Lysander (Jay):Great.
Squawk (Madeleine):I mean...
Rolo (Phil):Well, let's start building. Somebody else unload the planks.
Guide (Chris):So if you start looking through the book, the emergency lift stabilization section is soaked through, and the letters have kind of all smeared and run together.
Squawk (Madeleine):Aw.
Guide (Chris):Then you see another section that got, like, on the edge, it's got, like, these little tabs. And the next one says temporary hull patching. That one's kinda wet and stuck shut with sap.
Guide (Chris):And then there's another little tab that says, if your steering wheel makes that noise, that's kinda half chewed up.
CAM (Tito):Okay.
Squawk (Madeleine):Did our steering wheel make that noise?
Guide (Chris):Yep. Then so your ship is humming unevenly. If your hull is making a low uneven humming sound, remain calm. That is either completely normal or extremely urgent. And then the rest of the section has been covered in, like, doodles of tiny ships and angry clouds and stick figure members pointing at things labeled bad.
CAM (Tito):Alright. So this guide is completely useless.
Squawk (Madeleine):It's just the worst. Manual.
Rolo (Phil):Why are all the important pages stuck?
Squawk (Madeleine):I know. Alright. What what are the non stuck pages say?
Guide (Chris):Alright, so the last section says basic field repairs before takeoff. And then you see, if you only take one lesson from this book to heart, let it be this. Under no circumstances should you attempt to lift off before you, and then the rest of the book is missing after that.
Squawk (Madeleine):Before you have a healthy snack. Yeah. Obviously, I gave away my shrimp. So...
Lysander (Jay):Okay.
CAM (Tito):I'm gonna assume you don't wanna take off from your ship until your ship is a ship again.
Squawk (Madeleine):Mhmm.
Guide (Chris):Good assumption.
Squawk (Madeleine):Until all your friends are on board.
CAM (Tito):Right now, ours is a pile of wood.
Squawk (Madeleine):Yeah.
Rolo (Phil):So we found a manual that can tell us everything we need to know, and yet it tells us nothing we need to know.